The following draws heavily upon an Alban Institute publication by Edward A. White—Saying Goodbye: A Time of Growth for Congregations and Pastors—a helpful resource for those wishing to review this topic further.

​

Changing Roles

When a pastor leaves a congregation, members may feel they have lost a trusted friend. Like the eternal presence of God, the presence of God’s ministers takes on an aura of permanence, and members may be surprised or hurt when the relationship must end. The break is often as hard for the pastor as for the congregation.

​

It is extremely difficult to shift roles. When leaving a call, a pastor ceases to be the pastor and a friend and becomes friend only; members cease being one’s flock and friends and become friends only. Relationships must be redefined apart from the ecclesiastical roles. The pain of such change only compounds the sense of mutual loss and grief.

 

Making Contact

Before a pastor’s departure, it was customary for members to seek (and for pastors to give) friendly concern, sympathy, visits, cards, letters, hospital calls, sacramental services, taped sermons, and conversation about the congregation’s life and future. After the pastor’s departure, there is often a persistent tendency to continue these contacts as if to “hang on” to each other and to the good that was. These contacts very often occur in a covert way, as though it is not OK for the new leaders to know about them, since continuing contacts are private matters “just between old friends.”

​

A member in contact with a former pastor, however, generally focuses individually on that relationship and may not see how maintaining that connection affects other members or impedes developing a healthy and proper relationship with the new pastor.

​

The contact usually takes one of the following forms by retired and former pastors:

• Returning to former congregations to perform weddings, funerals or baptisms.

• Continuing to make pastoral visits on members of the congregation.

• Injecting themselves into the life and problems of former congregations and/or advising members on those issues.

• Criticizing the successor pastor to members of the congregation or becoming the confidant of those who wish to express criticism.

 

The Problem

The problem may lie in our understanding of the “church.” If the church is centered in the relationship of pastor and people, then it might be argued that a pastor’s congregation is all those people throughout the land who have come to rely on them as their pastor. But if the church is centered in Christ and a pastor is but a servant of that one Lord, then a pastor’s congregation is those who—in this time and place only—have been entrusted to them. It is then an issue of pastoral ethics to fail to recognize that the currently installed pastor of the congregation is the pastor of the congregation. To undermine that person’s ministry, even in small ways, is to betray one’s ordination vows and the constitutional requirements of the larger church.

 

“At the time of retirement, a pastor is no longer pastor of a congregation and therefore must discontinue the functions of the pastoral office in the congregation unless specifically authorized to do so” (On Ordained Ministers: Manual of Policies and Procedures for Management of the Rosters, ELCA, Section III). Furthermore: “A retired pastor should not remain a member of the congregation served at the time of retirement. Transferring one’s membership to another congregation allows the successor pastor to assume pastoral leadership more readily” (Section II).

 

“Ordained ministers shall respect the integrity of the ministry of congregations which they do not serve and shall not exercise ministerial functions therein unless invited to do so by the pastor, or if there is no duly called pastor, then by the interim pastor in consultation with the Congregation Council” (Synodical Constitution, S14.19).

 

Effects of Continuing Contact

Consider what happens when a pastor fails to let go of his/her former pastorate, through maintaining regular connection on social media, email, in person, or through the mail:

• Members delay or deny the necessary grief work and get emotionally “stuck.”

• When the congregation must work through a problem, the unseen (or seen) presence of a former pastor complicates the ability to have an open dialog.

• When members turn privately to a former pastor for comfort and care, it deprives the community of the opportunity to build the strength that comes from shared struggles.

• Private contacts direct members’ energy outside the congregation when that energy may be needed within the community.

• Private contacts encourage “holding on” to the past and fighting former battles; they decrease the congregation’s ability to struggle with present realities and create a new future.

• Contacts confuse members about where and how to focus their commitment.

• Private contacts place the resident pastor in the awkward position of interloper.

• By surfacing implicit comparisons between new and old, the new pastor is forced to contend with “ghosts”.

• Private contacts keep the new pastor on the defensive and subvert that pastor’s morale and effectiveness.

 

Members are confused. Pastors are hurt. Congregational life may be brought to conflict. And the church’s true passion—which is to be consumed by the mission of Christ—is diverted instead to personal loyalties and relationships. It is clear that former pastors and members need to manage interpersonal contacts appropriately.

​

If you have questions about separation ethics, please fill out the contact form, and someone from the church council or the call committee will reach out to assist.